Confessional journey: The isomorphic process and systemic experience of a therapist's own therapy while working with a borderline personality disordered client

This dissertation presents a theoretical examination and phenomenological inquiry into the way in which the experience of a therapist's own therapy is congruent with and correlated to the therapy and therapeutic relationship with a client with borderline personality disorder (BPD). BPD is a mental health disorder characterized primarily by emotional dysregulation, extreme "black-and-white" thinking or "splitting," and turbulent relationships, as well as pervasive instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior and a disturbance in the sense of self. The study explores transference and countertransference, correlated with intersubjectivity. Overall, the study examines interplay between the therapist's personal therapy and the contributions toward therapy conducted by the therapist with her client. Much of the language and conceptualization of the theory emerged in a process congruent with the therapist's own therapy and her clinical work with the client. The growth and experience of a therapist's own therapy is examined, presenting the benefit of this process. The study includes a critical review of the literature on object relations theory, with special concern for the object relations that emerged in the presented treatment. The term object relations theory is understood as the person's actual relationships with objects (mostly people) beyond the subjective world of the self and the enduring changes that accrue to the developing person's inner world. Within object relations theory the conviction that the emotional connection between therapist and client constitutes the most vital curative factor in therapy is widely held by contemporary practitioners who self-identify as relational in orientation. This study is phenomenologically emergent, based on the researcher's subjective experience. The case study demonstrates how theory and treatment are interactive and interdependent, but with a difference: The use of a confession is included, the confession being in the tradition of an apologia or "defense" that serves as the lived expression of a "theory" or belief system. The relevance of the therapeutic relationship and documentation of the experience are explored. Excerpts from the therapeutic journal and correlations with theory are included.