From wounded child to empathic mother: A heuristic inquiry into the experience of parenting sexual minority children

This heuristic inquiry explores my experience as the mother of fraternal twins who are both sexual minorities and the process I went through in coming to accept their sexual and gender identities. Primary emphasis was directed toward my experience of becoming a more empathic parent to my children as my understanding and acceptance of them increased. Also explored was the impact of this empathic perspective on my relationships with my children and family, with others, and, ultimately, with myself.; This inquiry was initially guided by two primary questions: (1) How was I able to accept my children and become an empathic parent, given that I didn't start out as one and research suggests that almost half the parents of sexual minority children reject them? (2) What is empathic parenting? Why is it important for healthy child development and what happens to children who don't get it?; The concept of disenfranchised grief, defined by Lenhardt (1997) as resulting from "experiences that are not or cannot be openly acknowledged by peers or society" (in Bracciale, Sanabria & Updyke, 2003, p. 4), was also explored, given disenfranchised griefs proposed role in the parental rejection of their sexual minority children.; Through this heuristic inquiry, another form of disenfranchised grief has been identified that appears to expand Lenhardt's (1997) existing definition. This form of disenfranchised grief is proposed to occur when young children must psychologically defend against the experience of overwhelming pain resulting from a lack of attunement with the mother or failure by the mother to appropriately recognize and regulate her child's distress. It is through the process of attunement that a mother regulates the physical and emotional needs of her child, needs that are expressed as distress. This form of disenfranchised grief is thought to obstruct or interfere with the natural flow of attunement between humans. In particular, this disenfranchised grief is thought to specifically interfere with the mother's innate instinct to seek out her child when she is distressed. Lastly, it is thought that disenfranchised grief may be transmitted from one generation to the next through the mother-child interaction.; The possibility that disenfranchised grief may be operating at a societal level is also proposed. However, additional research is needed to further explore this idea. Finally, the implications for parents, educators and leadership are discussed.