Bring Me an Orgasm: An Analysis of Inter-gender Communication About Sexual Desires in Romantic Heterosexual Relationships of Women Over Forty Years Old

The study examines influences of formal pedagogy and informal lessons in adolescence and traditional societal scripting of women through a feminist research framework. Critical discourse analysis was used to examine intimate language in certain contexts as a source of impaired or empowered sexual agency for women between forty and fifty-five years old in romantic heterosexual relationships. Co-researchers were chosen using a snowball sampling technique, and as beneficiaries of second and third wave feminism, have an audience/participant role in lessons of open discourse and attitudes about sex. Research on inter-gender pedagogical approaches, gendered communication and issues of "voice" suggest erasure of female voices in intimate encounters, misunderstood voices in inter-gender communication and women's required use of language created by men but troublesome for "sex talk." The study finds, for this age group, female sexual agency is not impaired in heterosexual romantic relationships and women talk to other women about their concerns when unable to talk with their intimate partners. Findings also point to a malaise in long-term relationships as a barrier to sexuality and as a means of confining female sexuality. Female sexuality is not oppressed by male sexuality but by a time frame that reproduces sexuality as old and familiar and therefore confined. Additionally, empowerment and sexuality are defined differently in the context of marriage and/or motherhood. A female sexuality communication theory is proposed from this study.