Where Does It Come, Where Should It Go

Marriage and family is the eternal theme of human society and the research of them is beyond count. But the academic community has always been maintaining its strong interest of research in this field for that marriage and family is not only closely related to people’s lives, but also is always in a dynamic change.This paper focuses on the rise of a new pattern of marriage-" Marriage built on dual surnames" in Suzhou area in recent ten years. It is a compromise between virilocal marriage and uxorilocal marriage. As the third form of marriage, it has gradually become popular among Suzhou in recent ten years. We have found that many other provinces have the similar marriage pattern according to the records. But the marriage pattern in Suzhou is typical and representative in spite of its short history.The marriage mode in Suzhou has the following characteristics. Match type and one-way partial type coexist. The validity and invalidity of the deposit coexist, along with mutual compromise, external equality and internal inequality. Under this pattern, principle is not presumptuous but specific matters can be flexible. It has obvious advantages. It is a kind of economical marriage mode where daughters can become heir and supporter, the problem of children’s belonging can be successfully solved, the status of women can be improved, and the mutual need of two generations can be satisfied. It also has its own defects and shortcomings:less choices for unmarried women, possible conflicts and disputes, potential influence on children’s emotion as well as rising economic pressure, not to mention the existing ideological shackles.Its emergence and prevalence is inevitable rather than a coincidence. It is kind of constructive solution to realistic problems and self needs as well as the crystallization of folk wisdom. It is a mechanism adopted by people to maintain and improve themselves under the dramatic social changes. As a system, marriage should be flexible, because marriage is served for people and is to meet the needs of people’s combination. The new marriage pattern is equipped with its features which meet people’s needs well.The author believes that as a supplementary marriage mode, it still has its strong vitality and certain developing space. It will keep growing in the next years for the following reasons:firstly, existing couples and families will not disappear in a short time; secondly, the aging of Suzhou and the phenomenon of fewer children have not been fundamentally changed; thirdly, as a supplement to the plural marriage mode, they will coexist for a long time in the future; finally, various farms of marriage may tend to fade gradually with the social change. People may no longer focus on the specific types of marriage, but more concerned about a fulfilling marriage.We should give positive guidance to existing families and cultivate a positive and harmonious marriage culture. We can make efforts in the following aspects. Firstly, communication should be emphasized to help build consensus of marriage. Secondly, the agreement should be consciously abode by and carried out according to the spirit. Thirdly, equal treatment of children and close communication and interaction between children should be ensured. In addition, both parents should be taken into account and the psychological gap of them should be reduced. Finally, close family ties and the arts of daily communication should be developed.